1 the lost mission

love is nothing if it doesnt destroy you–
isnt that one of yr lines?
And while we’re being honest,
i never liked Hatful of Hollow all that much-
i mean, how can you start off with William, yknow?
it was the summer you quit writing me back…
(well, you had your projects and i had mine)
you were climbing the Alps and i was sliding down the Pyrenees
it was the summer scoring from the Black Monk
and break-neck flying down the Shoreline,
“Spanish Bombs” on repeat–
screaming out over the bay:
“In the days of ’39!!!”

& so soon after, i left for the Mission,
signing up only for the summer,
knowing full well i would be editing at least into the new year…
it’s no wonder i brought my scarf into this record-breaking heat
Slamming flat ginger ale and a diet of no meat,
still, to be honest, i snuck out and some nights gobble down some Carl’s Jr., i confess to the cheat…
i messaged you less and you did the same,
you were hanging out with whats their name
i bought a decent typewriter for $10-and you said whats the point?
i thought- well, i’ll just write until i run out of ribbon, i guess
then my computer froze and i was back to pen and paper again

it was the summer i lost everything in storage again
i dropped my phone and that went dead, too, for a while
i couldnt even give away the blues
i made you a post card and said i’d give you my room and sleep on the balcony if you’d only visit–
i wrote you a book that summer,
it had to do with me moving back to The City,
and how yr phone always goes to voicemail now
and in my dream,
you sent me a box of new ribbons,
so that i could finish editing and come back home

love is nothing if if doesnt save you
you can have that line of mine